Portsmouth Lesson

It was my first day of period and after a tragedy, at 5 o'clock I have woken up to prepare my trip to Portsmouth. It was such an unexpected trip to Navira's aunt. We have prepared the date since January, but I never though that this trip was more breathtaking than I expected.

The road trip was very warm. Expectations are well received with some quarrels on the car because 4 of us are stubborn born with high volume voice. Kak Agus drive the car, Navira navigates the direction, Akbar prepare his phone to record the trip and I was... enjoy the trip, always enjoy the convo of us mocking each other with never ending laugh. We know that we miss us being together. Oh Allah, I really love us together, I always hope that this friendship will continue. but I also understand it is always Your fate to keep us together or not. I will always believe your fate is the best, but I pray that this friendship will always get us closer to You, and closer together. 

Despite the beauty of Portsmouth, this city is totally different that the other city I visited before. I have contemplated every thought on reading week when I touched my low energy level. Then I feels like I can start to change myself here in portsmouth. The way I see people, the warm I can give to other, the manner I should have to my family, and the way I see my one year master degree journey.. just changed. 

I remember that I have the huge ego in myself. Bringing this baggage to London, really matters to every connections that I intend to build. I start to see that people is struggling, that they also deal a very great problem in their life, the reason why they want to surrender nor why they give so much for their people. I don't really see this things in my life before, when my world is about myself and the big egos that follows my journey. 

I feel a totally different person when I talked and listen to Aisyah's story. She has a really great mind and thought. The way she sees this life was completely different with me, kind and pure. I amaze the way she perceive religion seriously and enjoy every little things that she has, including education, her part time job, her family, and even her es buah. Maybe I just met her once, or maybe she also greater or lesser that I thought, but from her, I think Allah tries to tell me that life is not just ambition to achieve, but more about kindness and peace. 

I am not that special, that everyone should prioritize me among their incredible task to do. I am never be able to infiltrate what have been build. I never be able to change people's life. I am who I am with my own task, journey, and people. The happiness inside should be grown inside my heart because life never brings me dopamine rush second to second day to day, so I should grow the satisfaction of life by myself. 

To always feel complete, to always see people wholly, and to encourage that life is not about myself. This first daughter ego should be reduce with kindness, emphaty and love.