It has been a 6 month in London, approximately. Living my fullest life has never been this exciting. I also felt so many emotions, loneliness, anger, sadness. In the same time I understand that it was not any people fault. It was a second reading week in my academic year, or the last term. I felt oblige to do my assignment and go to library so that my travel card would not be wasted. In fact, I don't do many trips this week, ended up tired because of the loneliness I felt.
It was not the fault of not getting out of my home. I was the feeling of lack of connectivity. I understand that people have their own business, not just like me to stay all day in home doing assignment but more than that. They also take a vacation in the Europe with their applied visas or hanging out with their international friends who they can speak fluently to or just having a girl time with their bestfriends walking around London.
I have been desperately felt guilty of myself that I can not enjoy this reading week well. I do not optimally do my assignment, in fact it was just only a half of done. I have analyzed why I felt this desperately lone, that is because of the dopamine rush that I got from the instagram scroll and candy crush. I felt happy but just couldnt take my focus on a longer period because of the addiction and the habit of short time focus on social media.
This week, the 7 week of second term. I tried to make a small resolution to myself. As the sunday also a nisfu syaban night, I intend to change little to my habit, to come back to I used to be in the beginning of my working life, that is to read Alquran regularly and read books. I do not uninstall my social media but more likely to keep myself away from that, to be more focus first and at least can feel the boredom and loneliness better.
I just want to learn what activity that I like to do in my spare time other than social media and candy crush. Eventually, I like to read, I have 2 books that I haven't manage to read. Although I also need to work on my thesis, I think I need a break from this frustating never ending assignment first, and do what I like before try to get my focus back.
I felt lonely, but I think I have to be grateful too at least I got my Indonesian friends to talk to when I cooked in the kitchen. At least, I have my boyfriend to give my voice note to when I need to produce sound with my mouth. It helps with my loneliness. I also have to accept too that this lone might be my best-friend too when I start working fully on my dissertation only since April.
This reading week, may not bring me the fun that I think it should be, nor a relieve of a finished assignment. But I think, this reading week taught me to be more aware of the loneliness and the powerful of he nisfu syaban night. The beginning of ramadhan will start soon, so I must prepare for a revolution of mine.
and subsequently, it is always okay saff to experience the feelings and emotions. thank you for being aware with it. We can go through it
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