I don't know how to call

 

Photo by Tobias Bjørkli: https://www.pexels.com/photo/mountain-landscape-with-aurora-borealis-shining-in-evening-sky-11180713/

I dont know what to call the feeling now.

Sometimes I call it as excitement, sometimes I call it downturn.

Sometimes it affects my self worth so much, sometimes I just ignore it.

Ignoring means that I no longer attached and can finally release from the attachment feeling.

I dont know how to call

I think so much about the responsibility that should be faced. I think about how to make realizing about the responsibility is not easy. I am different person that I am in the 4 years ago. Now, my life is getting serious with the dream I pursue. 

I think that seriousness come whenever readiness come. It is not only an excitement, but more about how to call it a connection. Take a wire and the electrical connection, bringing so much goodness in our life but sometimes people died because of it. Connection should be good, bringing impact and give improvement. 

I swear to myself that I dont want to force anything. I swear to always be honest to myself regarding my bad feeling, negativity and sin. I promise to keep everything under my control, including my future, my ambitions and belief. I promise that I will grow the virtue within myself and forgive everyone, everything. Because nothing fail, sometimes I need different door. 

This day, I may only lean to Allah. this day, I believe that I should not prove anything.