I arrived in London exactly 6 weeks ago with a great loss of my love's parent with some sadness coming from the honest cry at the unexpected time to a stranger city. In a thing that I believe at that time, I will move on no matter what happens to my feelings, I must go. The time which is actually too soon, but no, Allah has convinced me to choose the date to start a quick new life in London.
I have been desperately seeking what has good in London. Coming to this new vibrant city with a loss is not easy to be accepted. Sometimes I just could not move on and just want to come back for 1 day hugging him one more time to make my life here easier. But no, Allah says this is the best life I must go through.
What is good in London? The principle to explore seems similar with what I did in Jakarta. To start walking and seeing beautiful places by my own is really exhilarating before I started to feel longing and lone. I think at that time, my head just feel dizzy because I could not ask people to talk to me about how amazing the day was or how beautiful the place was. I just overwhelmed with my unspoken words but I will not call home because they would be afraid of me having a walk by myself.
I started to search for friends which is difficult to cope with me. I feel unaccepted. Sometimes just wondering what wrong with me. Sometimes I am just tired ask people to come to my initiary plan going to a new places. I am tired of cancelled plan.
I meet an older sister at a trip. She listened carefully to my story which makes me feel understood. She understand more than anyone that life just started when losing friends or just doing things independently. She understands the importance of family and how people should prioritize it first before anything, applies to herself and her people who sometimes also leave. The art of friendship is a heart calling. No thing should be compelled. It happens naturally. The art of inviting and receiving invitation is also important. Never, and just dont easily be hurted, be resilient.
whatever people do and say, never feel 'too much' disappointed. Life must go on and just change plans as soon as you can. Never hurt each other and do good as you can if it was only a news or information. Never forget tells the important information and just be kind.
London, this 6 weeks has taught me many things although I also lose in this journey. The imagination that I always believe which is London is such a beautiful city is true. But the thing is that I didnt expect will be this weak. However, I think building it again is not wrong. And here I am started to build my own strength to have the capacity to be my dreamt figure of myself. It was exciting to be a good person.
This will be a quick but long journey. I will be part of this marvelous journey. I should be strong, capable and kind. I will be.
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